I was watching this TED video about how we perceive our competence (or lack thereof). I was intrigued by a discussion about how experienced people or experts hold themselves back because they understand that there is a lot they do not know, or assume that everyone else knows what they know. They don’t see that they are actually good at what they do, and in some cases, exceptional.

Sometimes, in organizations, such individuals get noticed and promoted to a position that requires more impact and influence. Or maybe they just reach a point in their lives where they yearn to have that. How can one attain impact and influence? How can one take up space? The answer may be by embarking on a journey towards living authentically, a concept that has recently gained more attention.

Understanding Authentic Living

At face value, it sounds easy, (just be yourself … right)? Yet, in my opinion, it is one of the most layered concepts I have come across. The journey through these layers involves becoming aware of your story – what has made you who you are at present? For example, your upbringing, societal ideologies and norms, culture, your personality, personal crises, wins, etc. It involves unfolding, untangling and understanding how these layers interact, for example, what works to your benefit and what is holding you back?

Once you have journeyed through the unfolding, you start to tap into your core self (your authentic self). Therein, within your core self, lies your gift. Brian Bogert, a Forbes Councils member, describes this gift as ‘the unique value you have to bring into the world … a value only you can bring’’. It unravels as the journey unfolds.

Sarita Chawla, a senior faculty member at New Ventures West, offers a program on authentic living. She emphasizes that ‘embodying your truth requires deep immersion, practice and support’.

The Journey

Firstly, there is the need to find out who you are, truly. The answer to this usually lies in your core values, which act as a compass. Core values are usually shaped by our own preferences and our environment. Finding out who you truly are also involves understanding your natural demeanor, your own way of being. For example, are you naturally outgoing? Or are you naturally reserved? (Both are perfectly fine, by the way).

Then comes the tricky part of the journey. Learning how to live as who you are by expressing your core values and embodying your demeanor in the different settings that you find yourself. As you express your true self, it is also important to take into consideration your context. We live in a community, with family members, colleagues, neighbors, and society in general. We also live in a context that operates with policies and procedures, rules and regulations, systems, etc. The way that you express your true self should be flexible enough to accommodate your context. Understanding and learning how to do this is a continuous process that will require the ‘deep immersion and practice’ that Sarita Chawla describes. The goal is to sort of be like moving water. It finds its way through different landscapes, but it still remains H2O, its core substance is unchanged.

Then comes the trickiest part of the journey. According to Brian Bogert, embracing the authentic way of being requires a ‘full acceptance of reality’ and an ‘intentionality and conviction that transcends self-limiting beliefs’. As you start living according to your true self, the reception will vary. There are instances when you will be appreciated (for who you truly are), and that is a wonderful feeling! And then there are instances when you will be criticized or rejected (for who you truly are). At first, this may hurt, it stings. As you learn how to live with being criticized or rejected for who you are, your support structure is crucial to carry you through this experience. Chances are high that you may find every excuse (self-limiting beliefs) in the book to regress. A strong support structure will see you past this, so that you can keep pushing through and staying on the journey.

The reward

Further down the road, as you learn how to express your true self in different situations, as you learn how to live with the reality of it, it gets easier. You start to feel present in the world, like you are taking up your rightful space. You start to access your gift.

To understand the concept of ‘gift’, think of Rosa Parks (In 1955, in the USA, she refused to give up her bus seat for White passengers. She was arrested, went through the court processes, and eventually the courts decided that the bus segregation system in the USA was unconstitutional). In my imagination, at the time when she refused to give up her seat, she was just sticking to her core values. Yet, through this simple but brave act, the subsequent impact, influence, and gift, unfolded with time.